I changed a couple of headers because there was a bit too much overlap.

( Countdown meme )

All right, here's a fun meme, and one that's fairly relevant, considering my way of life.

Using only four words, tell me what you would say to me if we woke up in jail together.

This did turn out to be for American schoolkids going by one very coy question, but the rest was fairly entertaining.

( Seven Deadly Sins )

In the meantime, have a meme!

I'm impressed. This sounds quite like me actually.

( What I will be reincarnated as )

Yeah, I know, I haven't posted for months.

I gave up on the theatrical_muse prompts as a way of thinking up stuff to post a while back because they were either not exactly relevant to my life as a space-going thief of unusual talent, or just plain boring. (And don't say that matches me well, Avon, because I'm not doing anything boring, no matter how much I am.) Besides, they throw you out if you don't post for a month and it's been a lot of those.

Maybe I should do some more memes? Anyone still reading this journal thingy, let me know about the sort of thing you'd like to see.

Poll #1470936 Posty poll
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

What should Vila do?

Any suggestions here!

From theatrical_muse: Do you have any pets? Would you like some (more)? Why/why not?

I don't, and no. Not that I don't like animals and go as soft as the next person (unless it's Avon) over a furry little kitten or puppy, but I worry enough about myself in space battles without having a trusting little animal around who'd expect me to keep it safe.

I've had pets though. I had a rat when I was a nipper. I found him as a baby (not sure what you call young rats--pups?). I named him Ratty. Yes, not very original, but I'd just read Wind in the Willows. I had him for a couple of years too, even though he gave my mum the creeps. Intelligent creatures, rats, and quite affectionate too. I've kept others since then, mostly in prison. Much prefer them to the two-legged sort you get in places like that.

I wouldn't be surprised if there're rats on the ship, and frankly I don't want to know. You get fond of them, see, and that's not a good thing for a rebel wanted in all the wrong ways.

I see it's Tarrant's birthday. Any excuse for a celebration is what I say, so I've opened one of Avon's bottles of Lindor brandy in honour of the occasion. There's also ice cream with chocolate sauce, nuts (apart from the crew), and various other nibbles and snacky-dos.

See you on the flight deck, mate!

From theatrical_muse: Thirteen

Some people think thirteen's an unlucky number, not sure why. Because it's one more than a nice round dozen? Not that I know why a dozen should be round, but for some reason buns and muffins seem to come in dozens. Or sixes. Easier to pack, I suppose. Or maybe it's because it's a prime number? But then, so's seven, and lot's of people seem to think that one's lucky.

Anyway I've never been superstitious. I don't see how putting on a pair of lucky socks or carrying a die (yes, Avon, I do know the singular for dice) around in your pocket should change anything. Maybe having a gun or wearing an armoured vest would, but I'd hardly say that was lucky. Just being careful.

That said, I do think I've had more than my share of bad luck, but that's just the way things go in a random universe full of bastards and the Federation (with a fair lot of overlap there).

From theatrical_muse: Start something

Start something? Look, I'd prefer not to. I like a peaceful life, thank you very much. I've always left that sort of thing up to others, like Blake.

So, what sort of something do you suggest? A conversation? I do that fairly often, but people around here tend not to take me up on it. Pity, that. I like a good chat with a friend, but then again I'm usually with crew mates and that's often not the same thing at all.

A business? Well, I thought of going into security (the legal side of it for once) but the thought of taxes and paying employees and all the boring stuff that goes with it put me right off.

Tell you what, I'll start the cryptic crossword. That'll make Avon come over and try to finish it before I can, and I bet I can get a bit of a conversation out of him. Even if it largely consists of "fool" and "idiot". Still, I can't be that much of one or he wouldn't bother.

From theatrical_muse: Lines

They talk about us holding the line, you know, back when the Andromedans invaded. Odd expression, that. I mean, it should really be "holding the plane" in space, but I suppose it dates back to before people left Earth, when soldiers used to line up and throw things at each other. Course, we couldn't have held a big plane, not with just one ship. but it was a pretty small gap old Travis opened in the minefield for them. Me, I always wondered why the jellies never gave up and just went round the whole shebang, but I suppose they thought one ship should be easy to get past.

Tell you what, by the time the Federation showed up, my firing finger had gone numb. It was me who was on weapons, you see, which you might think makes me a hero. I didn't have any choice though. I mean, if it'd been up to me, I'd've run, but the others stayed for the sake of the galaxy and all that, and it was the right decision. Just wasn't mine.

So that's why I didn't want a medal when President Avalon handed them out last year. It wasn't modesty, just knowing who I really am.

From theatrical_muse: Which words would you like to see added to/removed from common use?

Not that I have any say (as usual), but here's a list of words and phrases I'd like to see go.

• grade, delta, bond slave, and anything to do with ranking people
  
• readjustment, brain-washing, and reprogramming unless you're doing it to a computer
  
• human resources - we're not resources, we're people if you haven't noticed. And that means you too, Blake
  
• with all due respect - this is always a lie
  
• folk - not the music (werl, not really) but using it for people. It sounds, I dunno, folksy and that's almost never right. Not in my galaxy anyway.
  
• fool - that'd improve Avon's repertoire of insults

• vilafication for unwarranted attacks on my intelligence
  
• blaked for when something's been blown up or sabotaged or just generally stuffed
  
• acquisition engineer - my preferred professional designation

From theatrical_muse: How would you go about scaring someone?

Depends on who it is, doesn't it?

With Avon, I'd break into his room and move things about subtly, leave his probes on the flight deck or in his sock drawer, and talk about things he hadn't done as if he had, and he'd forgotten. Losing his mind would probably frighten him the most.

I wouldn't do that to Blake though, because he has, and I know what that's like too, not that it ever took with me. Course, Avon'd say I didn't have a brain to wash. Nah, with Blake, I'd teleport a dog onto the ship. He doesn't like 'em. Animals make him nervous because he can't control them; at least that's my guess. Or he got bitten when he was little (hard to imagine as that is).

Tarrant would be easy: I'd blacken a couple of teeth and leave a fake one or two in his bed so he'd think they'd come loose in the night. He's the sort who'd be terrified of losing his teeth (and I think people have nightmares about that cos of it being all metaphorical and all, teeth standing for weapons and power and that) and besides, he's got such a dazzling set.

I'm not sure how I'd scare the girls. I doubt it's possible.

From theatrical_muse: What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done while sober?

That lets me out of a lot! In fact, that's a hard one to answer.

I think I'll go for the stupid clowning around I did with Dayna and Soolin during that Malodar mess. I was technically sober since I hadn't been drinking, but like Avon, I was pretty high on the whole idea of getting an unbeatable super weapon from that creep Egrorian, and I let it go to my head. I mean, it was bad enough that I went on to Avon, of all people, about having a palace with a diamond floor (bloody hard on the feet, and not that flattering lighting either, a reflective floor) and my Royal Mountie guard in red fur, but then I had to try and make Dayna and Soolin laugh. Well, they did, but they were laughing at me, and it still makes me cringe to remember it. Thing is, they actually believed I thought I was an expert on theoretical physics and was helping poor old Avon into the shallow water from out of his depth. I did realise pretty quickly that they were taking the whole act at face value, but my stupid pride kicked in, and I just kept laying it on even thicker in the hopes they'd get it was a joke.

They didn't.

And what that said about what they though of me hurt almost as much as Avon trying to space me.

Go to Google and type in your first name and the given phrase. Copy and paste the first sentence/phrase you get that makes sense (and isn't someone else's response to this meme).

( My results! )

From theatrical_muse: Would you make a good spy?

I don't think so. Thing is, I'm a bit too honest. You might think that's an odd thing for a thief to say, but I've always been hopeless at telling lies, mainly because everything I think and feel shows on my face, so I gave up as a bad job early on. I could do you a few security breaches and safe-crackings though, usual rates.

I know a bloke once who said he'd applied for the Secret Intelligence Service (and no, it's not for those who keep their intelligence well hidden, thank you Avon) also known as Grassers Anonymous. They told him he'd spend most of his time checking and filing data and would have to call himself a government clerk (no impressing people at school reunions or wearing long black coats and a mysterious expression, then). Besides, he said, they only offered retirement or death, deciding you'd like a change of career not being an option. So he said no. Last I heard, he was flying a pursuit ship for Space Fleet which was giving him the adrenaline fix he liked.

Me, I prefer my adrenaline with some soma in a glass, thanks. So I think your answer's no.

From theatrical_muse: What's the first thing you remember?

My mum making toast.

She was standing at the bench, humming to herself, long gold-blonde hair falling forward to hide her face. I sat there in the warm kitchen, swinging my little legs happily as I savoured the wonderful smell.

"Toast," Mum, said to me, smiling. "Hot toast for me and my little man." She picked me up, swung me towards the ceiling, then hugged me tightly before putting me on her hip. She picked up the slice of thick brown toast. "One bite for me," she took a little nibble, "and one for you."

I grinned at her and bit into it. "Mmm, yum."

She kissed me, tasting all warm and nutty and buttery like the toast.

It makes me smile to remember it, and it hurts too because I wish I could go back to that time and recapture that whole feeling of being safe and loved and happy. My mum died when I was on CF1 (that's Correction Facility 1) when I was 15. I got back to Earth too late. I never said goodbye, but she knew I loved her as much as she did me.

Toast is still my favourite comfort food.

From theatrical_muse: What principles are sacrosanct in your opinion?

Never steal anything from anyone who can't afford to lose it. Banks, corporations, rich bastards though? It's open season on that lot.

Don't piss in your own tent. In other words, don't nick stuff from people you know. Well, unless it's Avon and you're teasing him.

Never take anything personal. Even if it's a rich bastard. You never know, they might have feelings.

Never grass on your mates. Exception granted for torture or mind draining and wiping.

Never leave your mates in the lurch. Even if you think they'd do the same to you. Many's the time I thought about it, but I knew I'd feel bad about myself if I did. Sometimes I wish I had though.

Assume everyone's out to get you. Because they are.

And my old favourite: live forever--or die trying. :-)

From theatrical_muse: If anything were possible, what would be your perfect way to celebrate your birthday?

At 110 with wine and my woman, of course!

Oh, all right. I suppose must of all I'd like to be alive. Oh, and free too. Anything else is a bonus, but since you're asking, I'll go for a slap-up dinner with my friends accompanied by some decent plonk. Wine, mates, food, a good party, and someone who loves me to spend the night with--and the rest of my life for that matter. My very long life, that is. Look, you did say "perfect".

And since I'd have all that, gifts would be an extra. I'd be happy with anything because I haven't had enough presents in my life for it not to be a novelty that someone would want to give me any. Mind you, I'd be careful opening Avon's.

First one I got, too!

From theatrical_muse: utopia

You what? No such place, mate. Me. I'd settle for somewhere quiet with good pubs and friendly people in them. And you know what? That means the closest I've come to it is the Delta levels on Earth. Sad indictment on the universe, that is.

Besides, shouldn't that be spelled 'eutopia'? I mean, words that mean something good start like that, like euphony and euphoria and euphemism and eunuch (no, not that one!) and eulogy (means good words itself, and me, I'd rather live a very long time and have bad ones at my send-off). Wait, I'll look it up. Nah, it’s spelled right, and I was right too, first time. It means 'no such place', not 'good place'.

Might've known.

From theatrical_muse: black and white.

Ha! I bet you're think I'm going to write about morality or skin colour, though people are usually brown and beige come to that. Actually the first image that springs to mind is Avon's clothes. Always fancied the old black and white, he has (or black and silver) and if I remember right, he even started out in shades of grey. I still have a bit of a snigger when I remember that sailor suit. Actually the grey wasn't bad, but I think all that black leather got to him in the end. I mean, some clothes wear you, don't they? Especially with all those studs and thigh boots. Had to live up to them, didn't he? I'm just surprised he never got one of those spiked dog collars; he needed one to worn people off, especially after we lost Cally and the Liberator.

I suppose it's a sign of hope that there's always a bit of white or silver in all that black though. You know what though? Never thought I'd say it, but I miss the old red lobster suit.

From theatrical_muse: Name three things that you're looking forward to in the near future and why.

Three things?

Well, first up is my dinner, and why? Because I'm getting a bit peckish of course, and because my watch on the flight deck'll be over, and because the others will be there and I can have a nice chat. I like a bit of conversation with my food. And vice versa for that matter.

A game of chess with Avon. It's accompanied by insults, but funny thing--they're never about my game and I win often enough to make us fairly evenly matched. I'm not bad at chess either.

Avon's face when he finds out that some of his proddy tools are actually made of rubber painted to look like metal. Ah, Avon's a great source of amusement. He reacts so well.

From theatrical_muse: Sleeping on the couch

Let me tell you, the worst thing about shipboard life is night watch, especially for a sociable fellow like me.. Eight hours that stretch into the far distance like a dry and wide desert (just like most of the planets we visit in fact), and about as hard to cross.

I've tried talking to myself (a bit predictable really); pacing the deck as Rebel Captain Restal, hero of the space ways; getting Zen to display viscasts from local systems; playing chess against myself (too evenly matched), but nothing quite fills the silence and emptiness. The hours crawl. Funny, really, when they rush by if you're on a bank job or one of Blake's lunatic missions.
.
So I feel justified in resorting to naps. They're like teleports through time: make yourself comfortable on the flight-deck couch and close your eyes, and suddenly you're a couple of hours in the future. It's not that risky either: I've had plenty of practice sleeping lightly in prison, and besides, I ask Zen to warn me of any danger, no matter how small, after all, I have a healthy sense of self-preservation. And you know, I think he likes being in charge for a while.

And now it's time for a snooze on the old white leather. Tired me out, writing all that.

From theatrical_muse: Headlines

One of the consolations for getting caught, headlines are. Well, all right, the only one. See, if I never got arrested, I'd've been well known only to assorted fences and cracksmen, but a headline like "MASTER THIEF RESTAL NABBED" almost makes it worthwhile. I collected them: "TOP SAFE MAN CAUGHT" (not that it was a particularly safe life, mind), "JEWEL THIEF SENT TO CF1", "ART GALLERIES SAFE: RESTAL IN CUSTODY (bit wordy, the old Londondome Crier, or the Londondrone Weeper as we called it), and "RESTAL EXILED". Very pithy that last one.

Funny thing though: you only get your name in print as a thief when you're nicked or sent down, but turn rebel and it's always up in caps. "RESTAL LEAVES SIGNATURE" (well, I like to scratch my initials on the hard ones), "ACE RESTAL" (a favourite one, that, from the Lindor Times, after I told Tyce I'd got Zen to put well over the minimum 25 little pursuit ships on the side of the Liberator), but the best one of all is "RESTAL STILL AT LARGE".

And long may it remain so.

From theatrical_muse: Have you ever seduced someone or has anyone ever seduced you?

I've flirted with people--it's a game I never expect to win--but I've never seriously tried to seduce anyone. See, my self-esteem isn't that healthy anyway, so I prefer not to be the one who makes the move. Just setting yourself up for rejection there.So I just flirt in a joking way in the faint hope that someone may actually show a spark of interest.

As for being seduced, yes!

Masha was the first. It was after a successful job we were both on, and she was so hyped up and excited and impressed with my safe-cracking, she wanted me. And why not? She was beautiful—tiny and lively with long shining straight blonde hair—and she had a wild reputation so I was both flattered and terrified. Only lasted three months in the end--when the novelty went, so did she. I don't think I was as upset as people expected me to be, it was nice to get my independence back, do what I wanted without always thinking about what Masha wanted. Besides, we hadn’t been friends, not what I call friends, someone you could tell anything to, someone who was just happy to be with you and not do anything.

Same with the other girls, both of them, Sal—great sense of humour, Sal--and Klivia, bright girl, but ambitious, wanted to be—and have—a somebody. Nice enough while it lasted, but no tragedy when it ended. Never meant anything, see, not like with Serrin and Doty next door to my mum, skinny little Serrin and big plump Doty who loved each other so much they couldn’t live without each other. Mind you, it'd be frightening to care that much.

And then there was Kerril. She made the move of course. I thought it was because we were about to die, and me the only bloke on the planet and all that, but she said she loved me. Not enough, mind you--she loved her big dream of going back to nature on a new untouched world and living the simple life more than me. She chose it without even thinking, then thought about asking me. Sometimes I regret not going (well, Bayban had a bloody great laser cannon on me at the time) but it's just as well. Not cut out for the pioneer life, me, and I’d have had to live up to what she’d already seen of me, doing what I do best. I'd rather miss her than to see her stop loving me.

Not settling for less next time though.

From theatrical_muse: Old acquaintance

I think I'm about the only one who hasn't run across an old friend or acquaintance since I left Earth. No, I tell a lie, there was poor old Gan too. And you know what, I'm relieved. I mean, look at how it's gone for the others. Avon's 'old friends' all tried to turn him in, kill him, or cheat him. No wonder he stopped trusting people, even me who'd only ever do the last and only in a game. Cally's meeting with an insane old god and her sister (not at the same time I might add) didn't go well in either case, Jenna's old pirate mate collared us--literally. I'd rather not think about the time we had to rescue Blake's cousin from Travis and his crimmos, and Tarrant apparently once knew that nutter Bayban the Butcher (well, he would be if he was compared to Tarrant, wouldn't he?). As for running into Blake again, I still have nightmares about that.

So on the whole, I'd rather not have any, thanks.

From theatrical_muse: What are you afraid of?

Hahaha, you've come to the right person here. Let me give you a list.

• might as well get the big ones out of the way first: death
  
• pain
  
• work
  
• being shot at by people I haven't even met (so impolite!)
  
• being alone
  
• catching a disease (you wouldn't believe how many showers and vitamins I took after that Fosforon business)
  
• looking stupid, and yes, you'd think I'd be used to that
  
• carnivorous plants with designs on my body
  
• Avon, sometimes
  
• bent mutters in black leather in general (that covers several)
  
• the dark--I like to see what I'm afraid of
  
• missions; I mean, they always go wrong at some point
  
• sharks
  
• spiders bigger than me
  
• Orac (go on, look at the little plastic bastard's record. I'm beginning to think he's playing for the opposition)
  
• plasma bolts
  
• wolf snakes
  
• airlocks
  
• Tarsian warg-stranglers
  
• balloons that have mostly gone down--look, touching them just gives me the creeps!
  
• food with fur, especially green