November 3rd, 2005

faint smile

Shame

From theatrical_muse: Write about something you did that made you feel ashamed of yourself afterwards.

I bet Cally would like me to pick the time I went on a bender at Space City, but I don't feel any more ashamed of that than she did when she got taken over by aliens. Because I'd never have got blind drunk in a Terra Nostra stronghold with a million credits on my head if I'd been in my right mind, you see. I'm more ashamed of not trying to get Orac's key out again, but then I'm glad I'm still alive and you can't have it both ways.

No, it's that time on Exbar when Travis captured us. Not when he made me tell him the word to call for teleport (it was 'teleport', funny that) but when he locked us in that room and started pumping the air out. I lost it. I used to get locked in a cupboard by my mother's boyfriend when I was little, see, and when they tried to readjust me, they found out how scared I was of small airless places and, well, they used it. So I have an explanation but even I don't think it was an excuse for me totally panicking and saying I'd help Travis take the ship. I like to think I'd have found a way to trick him later. I feel bad whenever I think of that.